A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you didnt know i had herpes?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
