you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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