I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
