Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Drunk is not a location!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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