We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
