Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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