no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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