I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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