i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
