That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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