i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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