Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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