Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Barsexuality is the new black.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
