I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
