we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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