I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
