oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
