Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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