I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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