I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
