Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
