he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
