Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
