I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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