Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Do you have feelings for this penis?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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