I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
