If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
