you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
