I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
