he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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