I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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