im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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