u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
