When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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