The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Rumble strips road head = magical
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
