words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
