you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Vodka?
Forever.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
