you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
