So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I need moral support for this bender
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
