Who did Billy Mays play for?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
