I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
