Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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