Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
In other news, I just burned my penis
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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