I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
