My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
no you cant smoke seaweed
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
