Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
