even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
