He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
