Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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