i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
